Tonight we rest…

Maggie had a big day and man is she a trooper, or as a friend said, “warrior princess”.

This morning she went in for surgery at 7:30 and 5 hours later left the operating room. She had two strips of her skull removed to give her brain room to grow. She is already eating and now she is resting here in the PICU, in my arms.

It feels so good to hold her again. This morning we prayed the rosary as we waited for anesthesia to lead us to the OR. She slept in my arms and I prayed so hard that she would stay that way until surgery, that I could hand her over, fast asleep to the anesthesiologist and I wouldn’t have to watch her cry for me. And the Lord answered my prayers, she rested and I handed her over and I was the one who cried, I wanted to crumple down to the floor and sob. I don’t ever want to do this again, but in all likelihood we will.

It has been so hard to know in my mind that we are going the right course, that this is the best team for her, that this surgery is the best route but experience in my heart a revulsion from the pain and stress. Today there was a change though, I was blown out of the water by God’s goodness, His answers to prayers as well as the peace I have had today.

After we sent her back with the anesthesiologist, we waited for an update that surgery was starting. We sat and were finishing up the 5th decade when we heard “anesthesia stat to c6”. I knew it was Maggie, I knew it was her but instead of fear, I felt peace. The “peace beyond all understanding” kind of peace. The anesthesiologist later told me, it was indeed Maggie, but as soon as they called out over the speaker, Maggie’s oxygen returned to normal. She was calm, at peace.

Tonight as I hold her and she whimpers intermittently, uncomfortable from pain and wires, I cannot believe how things have changed since her birth. From those moments of “God, what are you doing?!” to “Thank you, Jesus.” He is so faithful. And although we are still in the midst of the pain, God has this. He has this in the “before I formed you in the womb” way. He knows Maggie’s needs more than I do and He loves her perfectly, He has this.

So I am going to do as He asks, I’m asking, knocking and seeking tonight.

If you are up and reading this these are the things I am praying for:

For Maggie’s pain to be relieved and for a good nights rest

For her to eat enough to stay hydrated and to maybe start breastfeeding tomorrow (the bottle is much easier for her right now)

For her vitals to remain stable and there be no need for a transfusion.

Go Team Maggie!