Feasting

First and most importantly…..a Maggie update! Maggie is still scheduled for surgery on the 26th. She has being doing a lot more tummy time and pulling her knees up into crawl mode, her arms haven’t got the memo yet so we are working on strengthening them. We have done ASL signs with all of our kids and I figured it was time for Maggie and she loves signing. She regularly uses “milk” and “more”, and is working on communicating “all done”. She can verbally say “papa”, “bruhbas” which she uses regularly with her brothers, “hi” and “yay”. She is also laughing a ton, Kiko has the corner on that market, any silly dance of his gets her going. In the health department, her nose has been in almost a perpetual state of stuffiness since her last big cold, and now she has started sneezing the last two days so we are doing saline rinses and trying to ward off a cough before surgery. We would greatly appreciate your prayers for her health and growth in communicating.

It’s Lent, and for this Catholic Lent is a time of spiritual sifting. What am I doing or not doing that I should or shouldn’t be doing? Hitting the snooze button, spending too much time on my phone, not spending enough time addressing the needs of the people around the house. These kind of surface issues tend to be the things that sap my prayer time, family time and my self-care time. Although I walk in to Lent ready to body slam my vices like Randy “Macho Man” Savage, the Lord ends up gently leading me into the growth that is most pressing, most needed for my happiness and my family’s.

This last weekend the Lord used my husband to lead me. Carlos got me out of my comfort zone, again. I had mentioned the coupon thing (https://twoforjoy.home.blog/2020/01/15/it-doesnt-hurt-to-ask/) in a previous post. So I mean, should I really be surprised in the 11th year of our marriage that following his leadership involves me doing things that make me feel really self-conscious?

With all the great weather we decided to make a trip to a Catholic religious community. Family and friends have been here and spoken highly about it, so we figured, “Why not!” Now the thing about religious communities is that their Masses are open to anyone but homilies are generally directed toward the community members, adult community members, adult community members that have reasonable attention spans. The kids did pretty well and there were plenty of “smells and bells” during the Mass, not to mention beautiful chant sung by the sisters, to keep them attentive. By the end of Mass I was eager to let them loose outside to run the grounds and get out their energy. As was customary though, we were greeted by Father and a brother outside.

“Would you like to eat lunch with us?” Brother asked. I could see Carlos’ desire for us to have this experience, and in an effort to be more receptive to plans and ideas that make me uneasy, we said yes. Now, you might say, “Why would you be uneasy? It’s just lunch.” I would reply, “Yes, lunch with priests I don’t know, with our children who tend to divulge lots of anecdotes on life during mealtime and did I mention we have allergies, food intolerance and picky eaters on top on that?” Where some, including my husband, might see an opportunity of a lifetime to sit with humble people, to eat a humble meal and discuss the really important things in life, I saw my newest venue for faux pas and face palms.

So we met Brother outside and walked to the priory door and he turned back to us before entering the dining hall and said in his sweet French accent, “The meal is in silence, I hope that is okay.” “Okay…”, I responded. Inwardly I said, “Oh Sweet Jesus, take me now.” Carlos gave me this look like, “Too late to turn back, its part of the adventure!” Carlos addressed our eldest two and I quickly turned to our three year old. Wanting to grab her by her shirt lapels and impart this information into the deepest part of her soul, I decided for the sweeter route and looked deep into her eyes, begging for mercy and said, “Please, please, there is no talking, do not yell or scream, please.”

The religious brothers filed in quietly, smiling at us and the kids, and a cart was pushed out by the priest who had just said Mass. Another priest sat down to read aloud spiritual material and we commenced the meal, a large bowl of bread and an amazing salad. We passed it down the table and then we passed it down again. And then, another cart with vegetables, and then a cart with steaks. This was a feast. The last cart was filled with a tray full of beautiful frosted cupcakes and my kids who had not spoken a word gasped in awe at their great fortune, causing the brothers to smile and chuckle at their seats. It was a beautiful quiet feast; one that I was so hesitant to receive, so reluctant to open my arms to for fear of not knowing what to do or how to act. Thanks be to God and my husband who urges me on when my heels are dug in and my eyes can only see the journey up the mountain and not the ease of the descent.

As we drove home I began to wonder how many things I have missed or would have missed because I was afraid. And I was struck by a realization that a year ago we stood at a very similar door. We were preparing for the birth of our fourth baby. I was scared and nervous for her arrival, I had no idea what life would be like with four kids, and as she arrived, it was as if the Lord turned to us and said, “My little Maggie is going to have a very unique road. I hope you don’t mind.” There were times that I wanted to run in the other direction, away from seeing my baby in pain, and wondering if I was going to just mess everything up. Thanks be to God he gently grasped my wrists, and opened my palms, and presented me with plates full of beautiful graces, piled so high that we have not experienced a wanting for anything. He has given so tremendously that I have been left gasping in awe.

So Lord, during this Lent, where we are called to fast, you surprised us with a feast. Where I am trying to do the heavy lifting, you carry the load. Teach me Lord to not be afraid, but open to the Holy Spirit, open to the gifts that you want to pour out. Oh Lord, open my heart to say “yes” more often. To say “yes” to those things that are scary and uncomfortable but inherently good. Thank you for Maggie, thank you for letting us share in her journey and thank you Maggie, you are the greatest gift to our family and make us gasp in awe daily.