I Thought You’d Never Ask

Maggie’s surgery has been postponed.

The hospital didn’t postpone it, I did.

I am finding this juxtaposition rather comical considering not six weeks ago I was praying and hoping for Maggie to have a single surgery on both her hands so we could just get it done and over with. Now I am sitting here in relief that the doctors were happy to postpone. I am content with the knowledge that if we have to do two separate surgeries on her hands because of her age, then so be it.

I am sure I am not the only one who has been contemplating how time and circumstances change priorities and worries. The things I was anxious about before coronavirus are barely of any concern to me now and it’s that juxtaposition that makes me remember that all worry is a big waste of time.

I have heard people speak about “life verses”. From what I can surmise it is a Bible verse that follows you in your life, bubbling up in your mind, giving you inspiration, hope, guidance. Mine is from the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 6 verse 27. I didn’t choose it, simply put the Lord spoke it to me because He knows me too well.

I was a freshman at a small Catholic university. For a kid who grew up in public school, it was like gleefully drinking from a fire hydrant. I was surrounded by people who loved Jesus and desired to serve Him and I was being challenged to grow in ways I had never considered.

I was eager to be open to new experiences so when a friend of mine invited me to go to a talk on discerning religious life I jumped at the chance. I sat there in the chapel listening to a sister and priest give their testimonies and we were encouraged to ask the Lord what call He had for us. Being the person I am, when I knelt down to pray I expected an immediate answer.

“Lord, I will do whatever you want.” No answer. “Whatever you desire, Lord.” No answer. “I am waiting Lord.” Nothing. I began to get anxious. “What if I get this wrong? I don’t want to make a mistake, I don’t want to miss your call for me.” I heard nothing. I knelt there quietly frustrated and worried that I wasn’t doing something right.

Matthew 6:27

“What? Matthew 6:27? What is that? Oh I see, I am making up verses to make myself feel better. Whatever, sorry Lord.” And I quieted down again to hear the Lord. “Lord I am listening.” Matthew 6:27. “Ugh, okay Lord, I am going to go to bed because I am too distracted by this verse.”

I left the chapel and headed for bed, frustrated at my overactive imagination. I decided I would sleep and if I remembered the verse in the morning I would look it up. When I got back to my dorm I got ready for bed, brushed my teeth and climbed up into my bunk, and on the last rung, MATTHEW 6:27.

“Fine I am going to look it up now and when I see that it is some nonsense verse about camels, I will be able to sleep.” I flipped open my Bible and went to the Gospel of Matthew.

Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?

Matthew 6:27

I met Carlos the next semester. I met him after I stopped worrying and fretting about what I was “supposed to be doing”. I met him after I handed the Lord everything and asked Him to draw me close to Him. I met Carlos after I started living more selflessly, rather than selfishly.

The Lord still whispers this verse in my ear and I have been reminded of the rest of Matthew 6 lately when I hear the birds chirping in the morning.

“Look at the birds.”

“Are you not more important than they?”

“Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself.”

I will keep you all updated once we get the new dates and I am keeping you all in my prayers. Please take care of yourselves, your family and your community.